The Return of Ferd Berfer
Ferd Berfer is a dude I met in cyberspace (and eventually IRL) years ago. He disappeared for awhile, but is back, and forwarded me the e-mail below. It's silly, but also clever:
Product Recall
Attention Please
The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of year or make, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.
This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units - CODE NAMED Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units.
This defect has technically been termed "Subsequential Internal Non-Morality" or commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.
Some symptoms:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish and/or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
7. Fearfulness
8. Idolatry
9. Rebellion
The Manufacturer, who is neither liable or at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service, free of charge, to correct this "SIN" defect.
The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.
Please upload your burden of SIN through REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, JESUS, into the heart component.
Not matter how big or small the SIN defect is, JESUS will replace it with:
1. Joy
2. Love
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self-control
Please see the operating manual: the B.I.B.L.E. - Believers Instructions Before Leaving Earth - for further details on the use of these fixes.
WARNING: Continuing to operate the human-being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list, and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded.
For free emergency services, call on JESUS.
DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facilty.
Thank you for your attention.
God Almighty
P.S. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice!
Product Recall
Attention Please
The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of year or make, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.
This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units - CODE NAMED Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units.
This defect has technically been termed "Subsequential Internal Non-Morality" or commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.
Some symptoms:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish and/or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
7. Fearfulness
8. Idolatry
9. Rebellion
The Manufacturer, who is neither liable or at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service, free of charge, to correct this "SIN" defect.
The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.
Please upload your burden of SIN through REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, JESUS, into the heart component.
Not matter how big or small the SIN defect is, JESUS will replace it with:
1. Joy
2. Love
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self-control
Please see the operating manual: the B.I.B.L.E. - Believers Instructions Before Leaving Earth - for further details on the use of these fixes.
WARNING: Continuing to operate the human-being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list, and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded.
For free emergency services, call on JESUS.
DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facilty.
Thank you for your attention.
God Almighty
P.S. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice!
